you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
