I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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