and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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