May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
