did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
