their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
