you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
