So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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