I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
