I can tuck mytits in my pants
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
