I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
