How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
