I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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