yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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