If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
