it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
