Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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