i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
