i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
