I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
