No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
