stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
