i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
