I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
