Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
