my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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