Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
