i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
