you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
