Dual....:-)
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
