Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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