My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
