I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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