First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you traded sex for a burrito?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
