I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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