I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
