ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
