So drunk its hurt
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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