Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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