God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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