Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
