My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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