Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
