You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
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We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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