I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
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I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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