so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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