So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Someone signed my nipple.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
