my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
