im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
