it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
