I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
