It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
