2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
