I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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