I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
