Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
