Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
