I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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