Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
