No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I feel like a drive thru vagina
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
