her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The uberlube is also flammable
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
