How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
