I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
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just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
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Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.