I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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