that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?