I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
