they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
