Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Randomize
