Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
