Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
