well I can't set my house on fire every night
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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