it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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