She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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