Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
