You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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