after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
