I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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